Nikolai's Fortune by Solveig Torvik

Author:Solveig Torvik [Torvik, Solveig]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780295805542
Publisher: University of Washington Press

Heikki was fired and disappeared, and not long after, Kalle asked me to go south with him.

“The money is better at the Meraaker mine and the climate not nearly so harsh as this. We can have a good life there. I would like to marry you, Kaisa.”

Rumors were always flying through the camp about how much better conditions were at some other mine. A mine was a mine as far as I could see. But I confess I was torn by his offer of marriage. I hesitantly showed him the photograph of my children. “I'm afraid they've already forgotten me,” I told him tearfully.

He studied it with sympathetic eyes. “As soon as we're on our feet and settled, we'll send for them,” he promised.

I had grown to depend on his kindness and could imagine that in time I could come to care for him. Not as I had for Anton, of course. That was another thing entirely. But care for him nevertheless. The truth is, given my circumstances, I felt fortunate to have found him and fearful of letting him go.

But I told him no. “I can't go that far from my children,” I explained.

He stalked off and from then on refused to speak to me. His bad humor made me miserable, but I soon enough had far worse things to worry about.

It was unthinkable: I was pregnant again.

Devastated, I lay sleepless in my cot at night, helpless tears sliding down my cheeks. Where could I go? How could I possibly care for another child? I had nowhere left to turn. What was to become of me? And my children? I felt as if I had fallen into a dark well where no one could ever reach me to pull me out. I wanted to die, save for my children. For all practical purposes, I knew I was already dead. Only my body didn't know it.

I never went outside alone even though it was high summer. I sat inside on my cot, the curtain drawn, whenever I had a moment to myself.

Kalle sought me out in my corner one evening when the others were outside. “Kaisa, are you all right?” I didn't open the curtain; he did.

“I'm pregnant,” I told him lifelessly.

“Kaisa!” he exclaimed, his eyes large. Someone came in then, and he hurried away. But the next evening he was back, standing stiffly in the kitchen doorway. “I asked you before it happened, so you know I mean it when I ask you again. Come away with me, Kaisa. I want you, regardless.”

Astonished, I searched his face. A hand was reaching down into the well. “But my children…” I protested.

A shadow furrowed his brow. “We'll send for them,” he answered curtly. “Tell me: do you have a better choice?”

His tone should have warned me. But I was too desperate and too relieved to think clearly. “All right,” I said, trying to smile.

We left the next day for Tromsø, where he bought me a gold engagement ring. “We'll get married when we're settled in Meraaker,” he promised.

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